Monday, September 13, 2010


I have no idea what's wrong with me the past few days. I'm a ball full of rawness. Tears are on the surface all the time, ready to spill at the tiniest encouragement.

For example:

Comments: "I know this church has been hurting." *hiccup, sob*

Songs: Revelation song sung by a youth choir that I don't even know. *hiccup, sob*

Children: "Mama, I still think you're a good mama, even though you're treating me like a servant." *hiccup, sob*

Loss: Grandmothers of students, internet strangers that I've never even met before *hiccup, sob*

Pregnancy: Throwing up *hiccup, sob, sob*

What in the world? I honestly have no idea what's wrong with me. I'm certainly not crying all day, but don't think the tears aren't close. They are easily called forth without much (if any!) effort.

Strange. I certainly feel raw from being so emotional. It makes me even more tired than normal and less able to handle the small day to day stresses that normally (hopefully) roll off my back without much thought. I'm not sure if the Lord is just pulling scabs away, forcing me to really feel, live in the moment, rely on Him more heavily. If so, I accept the challenge. There doesn't seem to be much I can do about it, so I'll just lean into it and trust that He has a reason for wanting me to be so exposed right now.


Maggie said...

Poor thing -- all those hormones! Hang in there...

Kyla said...

Awww, I'm really never that way and I can't imagine I'd handle it all that well. You poor thing! Too many hormones bouncing around your system.

Allyson said...

Thinking about you girlie...definitely has to do with the raging pregnancy horomones and the fact that you are a really caring and loving person. Hang in there!

Arizaphale said...

I remember someone saying to me that pregnancy strips away all your defences as I sat and sobbed to her (a complete stranger) about something trivial! This too will pass......xx