Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Maybe, Day 10

I was a bit too raw to post yesterday.

I HATE dealing with my inadequacies as a teacher. I want to think I can change the world.

But MAYbe I can't.

And I hate admitting that.

I have a student with SO much potential. The kid is brilliant. Even at 5, I can tell (s)he will have a huge impact on this world. Unfortunately, the home environment for this kid is not a healthy one. There is too little parental supervision. There are too many accidents because a parent isn't around enough. I'm in no way suggesting the parents are the cause of the accidents. I honestly think they are working, trying to provide for their kids.

Yesterday I ran into the wall of "I can't do any more." I'd reached the end of what I am able to do as a teacher. I can't take this child. I can't change his/her world. I've done what I can, perhaps making a different for him/her, perhaps failing miserably at times. I didn't like feeling powerless to make this life a little better for my kiddo.

Today was better. MAYbe it's good for me to have a little perspective. MAYbe I needed a moment of discomfort, of realizing that I am limited. I still don't like it. I still want to have more power to do good for my kids. But I know this...the reminder that I have limits will push me to do even more within my boundaries, to love a little more, to be a little more patient, to demand a little more. I know I often fail. But I want my students to have incredible memories of school, of learning, of knowing that they were loved and cared for every single day. Perhaps, MAYbe, that will be enough. MAYbe that will change a world in the end, even if not right now.



Allyson said...

You are an amazing teacher and I know you make a difference every day in each and every child you teach. I remember thinking you were an awesome teacher from the moment I saw you teach your second graders.

Kyla said...

It is hard not being able to fix everything!