Sunday, May 8, 2011

Maybe, Day 8

MAYbe this will post before midnight! :)

MAYbe I'll upload some pictures tomorrow.

Two years ago, I sobbed while singing Blessed Be Your Name. My favorite line is "You give and take give and take away. Blessed be your name."

My womb had been full. More than once. And my womb would be empty. More than once.

I learned a valuable lesson in that trial. I learned that even in the darkest times in my life, when I was struggling so much to see the good, the plan, I could, I WANTED to praise my God. Trust me, that didn't come from me. I didn't wake up with a tear stained face and tear soaked pillow and jump out of bed singing praises to God. Oh, no, I did not. But there was a constant tug in my heart to choose praise. To trust in Him. To carry my burden to the cross and lay it down.

And today, while I was singing Blessed Be Your Name, tears streamed down my face again. Today it was because I know how very blessed I am. I know what it felt like to desire something so deep in your heart that there was an ache there. I know what it's like to pray every day, sometimes every moment of every day, while holding your belly that you would actually get to meet and love that baby. And today I cried because my heart was so full. Today, my dream is true. I am a mama to not one, but two sweet babies. I squeezed in as much snuggle time as I could with Luke and Meryt, smelling them, kissing their sweetness, giggling at their funniness.

And I realize that MAYbe there are many people out there who are struggling to praise in their darkness. MAYbe there are women out there who could not rejoice in motherhood today because their hearts are so burdened with loss. I'm praying for those women right now. That in their trial, they will feel the tug to praise. They will know the cross. They will know the only One who can ease their pain.

I'm praying beyond MAYbe. I'm praying for "Yes, I do know Him. Yes, I do trust Him. Yes, I can praise Him when it hurts."

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