Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Frustrated, I think

Frustrated is not quite the word I'm looking for...the exact word is alluding me. I'm feeling...something akin to frustration, but not quite. Perhaps frustrated is the right word, but usally when I'm frustrated, it's with SOMEONE. This time, it's more the situation(s) that
frustrate(s) me.

I took Luke to the doctor this morning for his 12 month shots I'd delayed. I delayed them so we could be with my parents during Christmas break. {My dad can't be around kids who have had live virus vaccinations. Being with my dad seemed more valuable than doing vaccinations at exactly the right time.} So, we were late to the appointment. Luke had a fever. Luke ends up with steroids and a breathing treatment machine. I'm completely thunderstruck. I had no idea he was sick. Yesterday he started with a little cough, but nothing that seemed worrisome. I feel like that was a major "mom fail" moment. Frustrated.

Meryt is regressing academically. Before kindergarten, she was {almost} reading. She was definitely sounding out words and writing letters and numbers correctly. This week in church she wrote this sentence, "the tree wuz a sed wus." (The tree was a seed once.) Excellent sentence, I thought. She wrote every single e backwards and didn't put a capital letter at the beginning. Not a big deal, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. But the thing is: she WAS doing those things. She was starting sentences with capital letters, without any prompting. She was writing her letters correctly--well, facing the correct direction. Our group in kinder this year is so low. I know her teacher is doing the very best she can, but Meryt is not making (or maintaining) the progress I'd hoped. I keep debating about having her tested for the gifted program. She's a bright kid. She asks great questions and loves to learn about things. She's a hard worker. If she's going to be with this group of kids until 5th grade, I've got to give her a fighting chance of being challenged. I don't want to settle for mediocrity for her. H and I both expect a lot out of her. I'm frustrated for her and for her teacher, too. Some of this frustration is because I know how it's working in my own classroom--the lowest kids are getting the most attention. The ones that came in good and ready are the ones that aren't getting it this year. I know her teacher feels the exact same way. To relieve this frustration, M and I are going to "homeschool" in the evenings to keep her on track. Not to the point of stressing her out. She loves to "school," so this is all a game to her.

My house is never clean enough. FRUSTRATED. I don't have the energy to get it clean enough. I work and work at it, but there is always something more to do. I washed THREE loads of dishes today...because I cooked two meals today. I've washed clothes today and there are still more clothes to wash. I cleaned my room before Christmas break...now it looks like a tornado has struck...again. This is one area in my life where I feel the need to "do again, do again, do again." One small step at a time.

Our pastor has encouraged us to "be more in the Word." He suggested a few things: memorizing scripture or reading a Psalm each day during January. I'm hopeful that I can continue my commitment to this (reading a Psalm each day of January) and meditate on His word. It hasn't been hard--for two days! :) My hope is this will help me keep perspective. None of the things that are frustrating me are REALLY worth the frustration. They are small in the scheme of this world and nearly irrelevant in the scheme of eternity. Yet, I've let them almost ruin today.

Perspective. Keep it all in perspective.

1 comment:

Arizaphale said...

Oh I am right with you.My house is too big to keep clean. No-one else seems to care. My garden is too big to keep under control. My shoulder is preventing me pruning things. My husband is obsessed with his boat and doesn't see the big picture.The BA is about to start her final year at school and I wonder whether she will be able to keep up with the work load....sometimes it's all too much. Then I realise it's God telling me to rely on Him and stop trying to control everything myself. Phew. It messes with my head though. Oh, and btw...wrt Meryt..She is probably learning SO much in her first few months of school that she will be regressing Slightly to 'make room' :-D