I'm working hard on breathing deep tonight.
My house is dark and quiet. My classroom is packed and moved, the door locked. M is tucked into bed, working hard on breaking her fever. H is relaxing in his chair, watching his TV.
And I feel so disconnected. Panicky, almost. The strangest thing is that I have no idea why.
Usually I feel so content when I finish school, a weight lifted from my shoulders. The entire summer before me to spend with M and H. That feeling hasn't come over me yet.
I feel like I've got SOMETHING to do, but I can't quite figure out what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. Like I've missed the directions and everyone else is already busy at their task. What am I missing?
Have you ever felt that way? I want to be still and listen, waiting for the direction from above. But my mind is racing, my fingers itching to DO something, my feet twitching to get moving.
Tomorrow was going to be a fun filled day: the morning at the pool, some good snuggle time with M, a movie with H and a few friends. Instead I'm going to hang out at home with M, snuggling and reading, having a picnic on the deck. I'll take time to be quiet. To wait for the direction from above.
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May 2011
Maybe
Praying for Jonah
Defining 2009
2009:
Trust. Noun. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc, of a person or thing; confidence. Confident expectation of something; hope.
2008:
Simplify. Verb. Make simpler or easier or reduce in complexity or extent.
Trust. Noun. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc, of a person or thing; confidence. Confident expectation of something; hope.
2008:
Simplify. Verb. Make simpler or easier or reduce in complexity or extent.
Lilypie
3 comments:
I feel that way every time something ends, I'm so used to the go go go, I don't know how to just BE anymore!
Good for you.
No wonder you're feeling at a loose end; you're in limbo...between two classes. Not a comfortable place for a teacher to be. No room, no plan, a whole new adventure in front of you BUT a month or so to sit and stew about it. When I get into this mode I just let go and think well, there's nothing I can do about it....I'll think about when I need to. Unfortunately that's how I deal with most of life nowadays which is why I am usually disorganised and unprepared!
When we spend ALL of our time on the go, it is hard to release that and screech to a halt...you need to take a DEEP breath and savor the seconds of summer- you know it will pass far too quickly!
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