Thursday, May 28, 2009


I'm working hard on breathing deep tonight.

My house is dark and quiet. My classroom is packed and moved, the door locked. M is tucked into bed, working hard on breaking her fever. H is relaxing in his chair, watching his TV.

And I feel so disconnected. Panicky, almost. The strangest thing is that I have no idea why.

Usually I feel so content when I finish school, a weight lifted from my shoulders. The entire summer before me to spend with M and H. That feeling hasn't come over me yet.

I feel like I've got SOMETHING to do, but I can't quite figure out what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. Like I've missed the directions and everyone else is already busy at their task. What am I missing?

Have you ever felt that way? I want to be still and listen, waiting for the direction from above. But my mind is racing, my fingers itching to DO something, my feet twitching to get moving.

Tomorrow was going to be a fun filled day: the morning at the pool, some good snuggle time with M, a movie with H and a few friends. Instead I'm going to hang out at home with M, snuggling and reading, having a picnic on the deck. I'll take time to be quiet. To wait for the direction from above.


Kyla said...

I feel that way every time something ends, I'm so used to the go go go, I don't know how to just BE anymore!

Arizaphale said...

Good for you.
No wonder you're feeling at a loose end; you're in limbo...between two classes. Not a comfortable place for a teacher to be. No room, no plan, a whole new adventure in front of you BUT a month or so to sit and stew about it. When I get into this mode I just let go and think well, there's nothing I can do about it....I'll think about when I need to. Unfortunately that's how I deal with most of life nowadays which is why I am usually disorganised and unprepared!

Andi said...

When we spend ALL of our time on the go, it is hard to release that and screech to a need to take a DEEP breath and savor the seconds of summer- you know it will pass far too quickly!