I'm working hard on breathing deep tonight.
My house is dark and quiet. My classroom is packed and moved, the door locked. M is tucked into bed, working hard on breaking her fever. H is relaxing in his chair, watching his TV.
And I feel so disconnected. Panicky, almost. The strangest thing is that I have no idea why.
Usually I feel so content when I finish school, a weight lifted from my shoulders. The entire summer before me to spend with M and H. That feeling hasn't come over me yet.
I feel like I've got SOMETHING to do, but I can't quite figure out what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. Like I've missed the directions and everyone else is already busy at their task. What am I missing?
Have you ever felt that way? I want to be still and listen, waiting for the direction from above. But my mind is racing, my fingers itching to DO something, my feet twitching to get moving.
Tomorrow was going to be a fun filled day: the morning at the pool, some good snuggle time with M, a movie with H and a few friends. Instead I'm going to hang out at home with M, snuggling and reading, having a picnic on the deck. I'll take time to be quiet. To wait for the direction from above.