Remembering

I was just over at slurpinglife.typepad.com reading about the adoption of a son.

It reminded me of two years ago...the feeling that my body wasn't quite right. That maybe I was growing a little baby. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test after pregnancy test. H finally said NO MORE PREGNANCY TESTS! I was dizzy and hungry in a funny way. My parents came to visit for the weekend and I took a pregnancy test Friday morning just in case that was what was wrong with me. I wanted to be able to tell my parents they were going to be grandparents, but yet another test was negative. Over the weekend, I decided I was going to the doctor Monday to find out why I was late and to make some decisions about starting a family.

Monday came and I headed to the dr's office right after school. I did the urine sample and was waiting when the dr came around the corner. The conversation went something like this:

Dr: What are you doing here?
Me: Taking a pregnancy test.
Dr: Why? Did you have a positive test at home?
Me: No.
Nurse: It's positive.
Me: No, at home, it's negative.
Dr: Then why are you here?
Nurse: It's positive.
Me (more insistent): No, at home, it's negative.
Nurse (handing me a white thing with pink lines in the window): It's positive here.
Me: SOB
Dr (rubbing my shoulder): Are you okay with this?
Me (at my finest hour, as you can tell): SOB. I think so. SOB. GULP. SOB. What am I supposed to be doing? SOB. What do other women do when they find out they're pregnant? SOB.
Dr (beginning to sound concerned): Do you want the nurse to call your husband?
Me: Oh, no. SOB. I'll call him when I get back to the car. LAUGHING. SOBBING. LAUGHING.

I sure didn't expect to be pregnant. I thought maybe I was, hoping I was, but never expecting to be. I'd spent the past year waiting for those little pink lines. And I wasn't ready for them when I saw them.