A Chapter on Parenting

Kyla over at http://khebert.blogspot.com/ suggested that we write a real, honest-to-goodness, truthful chapter on parenting. Here's mine.

When I got pregnant with M, I was scared. More scared than anything else. Not much has changed. Every time something new happens, my first emotion is fear. Can I handle this? Am I strong enough for this? There are ABSOLUTELY moments of complete and utter motherhood bliss...don't misunderstand.

First, let me give you a few moments of complete fear:
1.) Actually having labor and delivering a baby.
2.) Having nurses come in to look at your tiny, beautiful infant daughter's foot and saying things like "Isn't she pretty?" as they stare at the little foot.
3.) Holding that tiny little infant to nurse and it.does.not.work. She doesn't latch properly, you don't make any milk, she screams, you give her formula.
4.) When your three week old baby has her first appt. with the pediatric orthopaedist who outlines a years' worth of treatment in about 10 minutes. Then hugs you when you obviously look completely confused and overwhelmed.
5.) Taking your baby every single Thursday for 10 weeks to get a new cast. Hearing the sound of that saw cut the cast off your baby. Holding your breath waiting to see if the foot is straightening correctly or not.
6.) Sending your ten week old tiny, tiny, tiny infant into surgery. Hearing your phone ring when it's time to race down to get her. Praying that she's screaming, which will mean she's getting the gas out.
7.) Getting corrective shoes.
8.) Hearing the news that the beloved orthopaedist is moving (and you feel as if he is personally abonding you and your child).
9.) Meeting the new orthopaedist and then getting a cool butterfly brace and ditching the shoes.
10.) Fever spikes, strep throat at 7 months and again at 9 months, teething, no pooping, waking up in the middle of the night after months of sleeping for atleast 10 straight hours, etc, etc, etc.

All those moments of heart-stopping, breath-holding fear make the moments of motherhood bliss all the more amazing. And they have made me SO much stronger. I will fight for M when I won't stand up for anything else. I will move mountains that seem insurmountable if I need to in order to get whatever I need for her. And I've also realized how truly human I am. Motherhood has humbled me in ways I never knew I needed to be humbled. I am a better person because I am a mother.

Moments of motherhood bliss:
1.) Holding that sweet infant for hours when she sleeps and the house is quiet.
2.) Rocking in the middle of the night to the lullaby CD.
3.) Folding those tiny little clothes.
4.) Chasing a crawling baby across the carpet.
5.) Watching your baby discover something new.
6.) Reading a favorite book.
7.) Hearing your baby utter Mama the first time and then squealing it when she realizes you are putty in her hands when she says your name.
8.) Watching your baby learn something new every single day. The world is a giant classroom.
9.) See that toddler walk with two healthy, straight feet.
10.) Knowing she is yours and you are hers....forever.

I hope as I become a better mother that I will let some of the fear go and concentrate more on the bliss...