Sunday, November 16, 2008


M has three freckles on her face.

Completely irrelevant. I know.

As I stare into the face of this scary (for me) surgery, I'm focusing on the most irrelevant things.

Three freckles on her face.
Where to spend the night post op.
How to decorate her wagon (aka The Queen-Mobile).

I'm scared to ask what this "head in the sand" mentality says about me.

Oh, and I'm completely obsessed with my mother's colonoscopy tomorrow. They live three hours away. My mind is racing, "Should I be there? Do they need me? Should I pack a bag in case I need to go quickly?" Irrelevant!!!! My dad is perfectly capable of handling this. My mother is amazing and will handle this with grace and dignity, the way she handles everything.

Did I mention M has three freckles on her face? One between her lip and her left nostril. One above her left eye brow. One near her left ear.


I sure would appreciate your prayers right now. I'm having a hard, hard, hard time letting go of this and RELYING on The One Who is in Control. He is stronger and bigger than my worry, but I can't quite seem to go to Him. I'm holding on to this real tight right now, clutching it to my chest.


Kyla said...

It is called avoidance and it is a valid coping mechanism. Keep counting freckles! I'm also fond of obsessing the # and size of bags I bring to the hospital, too.

You can do this! You can.

Monica M. Judd said...

Be still and KNOW that he is God. Take a read through Psalm 91, and I'll be praying that you will rest in HIS mighty shadow.

Monica M. Judd said...

And by the way, keep counting freckles. There's nothing wrong with noticing every little detail of that precious gift called M - even to the last little freckle.

Christina said...

It's not irrelevant. Every little bit of yur sweet girl is important. I'd be the same way in your shoes, but I know that when the time comes, you will be able to be as strong and steady as you need to be. Hugs!

Maggie said...

Hang in there -- we're all thinking of and praying for you!