Debate

I've debated even putting this post into words...giving it power over me, writing down the thoughts that surged in my head and my heart.


Yet, here I sit. The house is quiet. M is asleep. H is out. And I can't stop my fingers from typing the words. Typing doesn't give it power. It already has power.


One afternoon recently, to be truthful I'm not sure which afternoon, I was trying to grab a quick nap and this thought popped into my head, "Give up the dream. Let Me work in you."


Give up the dream? The dream I've had my entire life? The vision I've had to be a mother of three? Give it up? Are you kidding me? All this medicine? All the testing? All the trying? GIVE IT UP?


And I felt peace. Because I did. I gave it up. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being exhausted. I'm tired of the emotional toll this road is taking on me. This is the last month I can take the medicine. We'll have to go see a fertility specialist if it doesn't happen this month. I'm okay with that now. I've been more relaxed this month than before. I still took the medicine. I still tested. I still tried. But I'm not worried.


Because He's working in me.


This isn't about me. It's never been about ME. This is His story. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've had to remind myself of that. I'm merely a character in the story that brings Him glory. Whatever path He places before me, my role is to praise His Holy name. It isn't easy. The struggle, battle, war, in me to make this about me is overwhelming at times...perhaps all the time. The whispering thought, "Let Me work in you"" brought me back to the place where He wants me. Perhaps He will work in me in the way that I truly desire: by knitting a baby in my womb. Or perhaps He won't.


I'm okay with that.


Really. I am.


Every time I see this face

I'm reminded how much He has already blessed me. That only He can work miracles. That He has the power to work in me. That He is working in me.

I'm so thankful.

Welcome Home, Gretel

Welcome to our family, precious Gretel!

M and I are completely and utterly in love with this teeny tiny bundle of joy.

She followed quite the sweet path to our family, unlike her namesake who was unloved and mistreated. The stones were laid for her path to our home and we all had to wait for the timing to be perfect for her arrival.

Ms. Cynthia had a stray show up, pregnant. On December 10, the stray gave birth to two kittens. Ms. Cynthia had to help deliver both kittens. Ms. Cynthia just happens to be the mother of my dear friend, Susie. Ms. Cynthia took one of the kittens to Susie for her family. They accepted the challenge of pet-ownership on a trial basis only. When we drove over for Sadie-baby's birthday, we saw this tiny bundle of joy. I would have brought her home with us that day. Thankfully, H is more level headed than I am! Sunday evening, Susie called me and said the trial was over. It just wasn't working out. She came to Macon today and Gretel became ours!!! She is officially Gretel Benson now!

Without further ado, I'd like to introduce our sweet girl to you:


M holding Gretel. Not a good picture at all, but it shows how tiny she is. (My flash didn't go off.)
Gretel is snuggled in, enjoying some bonding with M.

Look at that sweet, sweet face! Don't you want to snuggle her???

Oh, be still my heart! I could just curl up with her right now. She's got the sweetest purr and she's so warm and snuggly!

Gretel was tired after exploring our house and running from Mocha. Mocha (our chocolate lab) is intrigued with Gretel, but in the sweetest way. Gretel doesn't seem frightened of her, just curious about the big creature sniffing her all over. Gretel rolls on her back and lets Mocha sniff and poke her, then she bolts under a table or behind some type of protection.

M just said, with complete awe in her voice, "Mama, she loves me. She already loves me."

And I overheard her saying a sweet singsong voice, "Come to Mama. Come here, Gretel. Come to Mama. That's a good girl. (M picked her up) You're home now. Mama's got you."

That's right, Gretel. You're home now. We've got you.

One to one correspondence

Holy counting, Batman!!!

M just counted to 23. One to one correspondence!!!

Maybe your young four year old can do that, but I'm super impressed!

Watch out, Harvard. Here we come!

(Picture of what she was counting will come later. We're going to embark on a huge craft project, per her request.)

ETA: Here are pictures of M doing her "craft project."

A little explanation about the one to one correspondence excitement: M has been counting to 20 for a while. It sounds like this: one, two, three. . .eleven, twelve, thirty, fourteen, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighteen, nineteen, twenty." Sometimes she'll keep going, sometimes she'll stop. This afternoon, I asked her how many wooden tags she wanted to paint. Oblivious to the fact that she was totally giving herself away, she counted each them one by one, saying each number correctly until she'd counted them all, for a total of 23! She has clearly been pulling the wool over my eyes by incorrectly saying the numbers. She can be such a little stinker and so passive aggressive.

Shoes

M's very best friend is a ten year old. It is one of the sweetest friendships I've ever seen. They both adore each other. One of the sweetest things about the whole thing is that I met B when she was just a tiny baby. I took care of her and now she takes care of my baby.

B has reached a milestone. She earned her very first pair of toe shoes for ballet. She wanted a series of pictures before they got dirty, so we did a quick little photo shoot after church last week. Looking back at them, I see so many more creative opportunities that I just didn't think of. That's my biggest problem as a photographer. I haven't trained myself to think outside of the box, to be creative.

Snow Day 2010

We couldn't get enough of the beauty of the snow. I had to teach this morning, so H took the camera around to get some pictures. These are from our church.

Narnia, anyone?

Magical.

Incredible.

This didn't last long, but it was unbelievable while it was here. Honestly, I could deal with this a few times a year. How can anyone deny the wonder of God with views like this?

This is my POTD (you can find all my POTDs here.) I just want a reminder of the snow.

It was truly amazing to see this. I was so overstimulated, looking around, trying to remember every detail.

Snow Day 2010: Incredible.

SOOC: Saturday

I could do so much with this picture if I could just edit it! I love to edit me some pictures! But I've missed Melody so much and I just can't resist playing along with SOOC (straight out of camera). Of course, my image in no way compares to her unbelievable photography! If you want to play along, just click on over to Slurping Life.

Melody, I'm so glad you're back on the scene. Your absence left a gaping hole in the blogging community.

Perfect: Big, wet, and fluffy

Today was a perfect day!

I woke up early this morning and finished making snacks for M's Valentine's Day party. I put it off in case school was cancelled because of the forecast for...SNOW!

Had a great time at the party. A post about that is forthcoming.

After rest time (during which I try to nap and M watches PBS), M screamed, "It's snowing EVERYWHERE!"

But what in the world does one wear when it only snows once a year (or four years)?

Here is what we decided to wear:

Pajamas on bottom. Pull on a pair of bright pink sweatpants.

Now find a snow shirt and put it on top of the pajamas.

Top if all off with a hat and a hooded sweatjacket.

M couldn't decide what to do in the snow first. She just ran around for a while. She finally decided to play in her tree house where she could run in for protection and run out to catch snowflakes on her tongue.

She took a little time to blow some snow kisses to Mama and Daddy.

We ended our snow play with a quick walk around the neighborhood. The temperature is supposed to drop to 25 degrees tonight, so we should wake up to snow in the morning. The best part is we're supposed to have a potential snow fall Monday, too!

Head in the Sand

It seems I've typed those words before: Head in the Sand.

I haven't written anything because I really don't have a lot of positive things to say and I'm tired of being broken. I'm tired of whining. I'm tired of being sad. So I just haven't posted. I'm ducking my head in the sand, because quite honestly, I don't even like my own company and I'm sure you wouldn't like it either!

I went to the doctor last week because, despite a change in fertility regiment, I still am not pregnant. This is the last month I can take the medicines I'm currently taking. The most frustraing part is that the next step in fertility treatment doesn't really fix what's wrong with me. My body is working "perfectly." But it still isn't doing what I want it to do! (See... do you really want to spend any more time with me!?! All I do is whine!)

I should tell you how sweet M has been lately and how I see her little faith growing each day. She has so many questions right now and it's amazing to see her accept Biblical truth. I'll tell those stories soon.

But now, let me show you the highlight of my week:

This is my dad.

This is my dad having his book signed by our favorite author.

This is my dad and Vince Flynn.

And me! This is ME AND VINCE FLYNN. Meeting him was incredible. I didn't say much to him because I was so tongue tied. We had to opportunity to listen to him before the book signing and it was incredible. He was so down to earth and so real. He talked about his family, his home, his life. I could have listened to him for hours.

I hope to have some more uplifting posts coming soon. In the meantime, I'll be coming by to visit you and see what you've been up to.