More than a week

I absolutely can not believe it has been more than one week since I've posted.

Have I been super busy? Nope. Overwhelmed? Nope. Over committed? Nope.

I've just been caught up in living every single moment! Our week was delightful. Last weekend was delightful. Today was delightful.

I saw the sweetest kitten today. Kitten envy hit with a vengence. I MUST have a kitten. We have a large dog and we have had cats in the past. We swore we'd never have another cat.

But I'm smitten. I can't help it. I need a kitten. Since I can't have a baby, don't you think I should have a kitten? It's a very logical connection to me.

Can you help me convince H?

No Lie

H is watching his CHRISTIAN music videos.

M is dancing.

In heels and a tiara.

And then this conversation:

"Mama, watch me!"

"M, that's fantastic!"

She comes over to me.

"Mama, can I please take my dress off?"

"To dance?"

"Yes, Mama. I need to take my dress off. My back itches."

"Okay, I'll scratch your back, but you need to leave your dress on."

"But, Mama, I really need to dance with my dress OFF!"


Um... well...

I just pray she learns to keep her clothes on when she dances.

Breathing Deep

I'm so excited I can hardly stand myself!

In just a few short weeks, I'll be able to meet my favorite author, Vince Flynn at the Savannah Book Festival. This is big stuff, people. Big STUFF.

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

I'm not sure I'll be able to utter a single syllable to him. Authors are better than movie stars.

Way better.

I wonder what I should wear.

I wonder what I should say.

I wonder what he'll be like in person.

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

Good thing I've got a few weeks to worry about this!

Scary Moment

M and I had a wonderful day at home. Both schools were closed in honor of MLK.

Both of our bedrooms were complete messes, so we decided to help each other clean. (Please read: I cleaned, she watched TV or told me what to do. It was delightful.)

This afternoon we decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. As I was looking for my shoes, I heard a strange noise on the stairs and raced around the corner.

To see M going head over heels (literally) down at least half the staircase. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I saw her neck bend at a strange-ish angle and her legs flopping around like a ragdoll. My feet turned to cement and I couldn't move. Then I was flying down the stairs to her. I have never been so thrilled to hear her scream and cry. She was fine. Scared, but fine. It took me quite a few more minutes to get over it.

We did end up enjoying a very nice walk.

A few funnies

Goodness gracious, what a week!

I'll be posting our daily pictures on our Project Life site in a while. Feel free to stop by and catch a glimpse of why I've been away. Life at it's fullest, for sure!

Here are a few M funnies for you:

"Mom, do you want to lick on top of my germs?" (As she's offering to share her chocolate sucker with me)

Whispering to wake me up: "I need to brush Sophie's hair." (In the middle of the night, no less!)

M was all dressed for church this morning. When we got to church, she panicked and needed to change her into her princess shoes. I'm trying to let her assume a little more responsibility with her wardrobe, so I let her change her shoes in the car. As we were climbing the stairs, someone commented on her fancy princess shoes. She responded, "Yes, I'm wearing high heels to church just like Mommy. We're dressed up for Jesus."

"Mama. Daddy just wants me for my ba--dee." WHAT?? I let it go.
A few days later, "Mama, Mocha just wants me for my BA--DEE. Daddy just wants me for my ba-dee." WHAT??
"M, where in the world did you hear that? That's not appropriate for you to say. You're a little girl."
"Mama. You're so silly! I'm just talking like Mater in the Cars movie. He said his friend just wants him for his BA--DEE."

MBS: Imperfect

I love this cake, in all it's imperfection. It's melty and gooey. But it's full of heart and love. From a wife and daughter to their favorite guy ever.

For other MBS, visit Tracey.

Party Time

This was a big weekend for H. Friday was his 40th birthday. He was able to meet his poker buddies Friday evening. M and I made him a cake and took it over there. We sang happy birthday and ate a piece of cake.

Saturday evening was the big night. We had nearly 35 friends here to celebrate with us. Our home and our hearts were full as we saw how many people love H. We certainly missed some friends and family who couldn't be here. But it was such a special night. I'm so thankful that so many people were able to come. (Thank you, Donna, for taking these pictures for me!)

H got the first taste of fondue, his choice for dessert for the party.

H hamming it up with special "Over the Hill" sunglasses.

Thank you, everyone, who was here to celebrate with us and those that called with sweet wishes. We love you all so much and are so thankful for your role in our lives!

LONG NIGHT

Time line of a long night:

11:35 PM: Pick M and babysitter up. Take babysitter home.
11:50 PM: Arrive home.
12:15 AM: M is finally in bed.
1:30 AM: I'm finally in bed.
4:15 AM: Hear a funny whining noise, but think it's part of a dream.
4:30 AM: Wake up. Think M is singing in her room. Better go check on her.
4:32 AM: "Mommy, there is slobber on my blanket!" Uh-oh. I know what that means.
"Honey, did you throw up?"
"Yes," sobbing, "I frowed up."
4:40 AM: Bathe M, change her sheets, dress her and put her in my bed.
4:45 AM: Pray over M, so thankful that she's okay, that she woke up, that the Lord will protect her through the night.
5:00 AM: Listen to her peaceful breathing.
5:20 AM: Doze off myself.

It was a long night.

But H's party was so much fun last night. It was great having so many important people in his life here to celebrate his 40th birthday. I'll post pictures soon.

40 Things about H

A list of

40 Things About H

1. He has the heart of a servant.
2. He loves me even though I’m often unlovable.
3. He introduced me to the world of technology.
4. He’s an amazing dad.
5. He’s so patient.
6. He’s so laid back.
7. He laughs REALLY loud.
8. He drives.
9. He takes me out for Mexican whenever I want it.
10. He eats crunchy rice.
11. He never panics.
12. He does the majority of the grocery shopping.
13. He’s an amazing cook.
14. He’s sort of stubborn.
15. He looks good in blue.
16. He cheers loudly when he watches football.
17. He doesn’t laugh when I take on a new hobby.
18. He usually learns more about my new hobby than I do!
19. He’s never met a stranger.
20. He researches things before he makes a purchase.
21. He fits in with my family.
22. He’s hot. I’m cold.
23. He’s super playful.
24. He loves to go to Barnes and Noble for a coffee.
25. He’ll look at magazines for hours while I look through books.
26. He likes my friends.
27. He LOVES Star Wars.
28. He LOVES the University of Georgia.
29. He doesn’t mind driving my old car.
30. He loves to eat.
31. His favorite type of food is Chinese.
32. He keeps a fully stocked liquor cabinet.
33. He loves to try new things.
34. He is 9 years younger than his older brother.
35. He is 8 years older than me.
36. He loves breakfast for dinner.
37. He can cook anything on the grill and it’s delicious.
38. He snores when he sleeps on the couch.
39. He can sleep sitting up in a chair.
40. Today is his birthday and he is FORTY years old!

Happy Birthday! We love you!

History Lesson

There are moments when I wonder when I will feel like an adult. At 32 years old, I still feel like a 22 year old in so many ways. I thought by 32, I would be wise and knowledgeable. I sometimes have to pinch myself and say, "You drive a minivan. You are a MOM. You have a real job and you have real bills to pay. YOU ARE AN ADULT!" But I don't feel any wiser than I did when I started out on the path of adulthood.

But it's all about perspective, I suppose.

Example 1:
The other day at lunch, one of my coworkers asked how H and I met. My nephew (who is 15) was with us. I wasn't sure if he knew the story (he had an aunt before me), so I gave the quickly glossed over version. I should have just told the whole story to begin with because it all came out. JB, my nephew, was HILARIOUS and thoroughly enjoyed hearing the story of my courtship with H. He learned a little bit about his family history. (H and his father are brothers.)

Example 2:
M is infatuated with stories of when I was a "baby." By baby, she means anything from infant hood through...well, any childhood stories I'll share. Tonight she said, "Tell me a story of when you were a baby."
"What kind of story do you want me to tell you?" I asked.
"How about when you wanted something to drink?" she suggested.
WHAT? I have no stories of requesting a drink as a child.
So I launch into a story about when my dad used to take me to breakfast on Saturday mornings and make up songs.
BAD IDEA.
"What kind of songs did OB sing? What did you eat for breakfast? What did your car seat look like?"
See, I have no answers to these questions and really no more facts than the ones I offered.
She's not satisfied at all.
To complicate the situation even more, she doesn't understand that Uncle Trey and Uncle Zach were little kids, too. So anytime I tell a story about when WE were little, she'll say, "But Uncle Zach is too big for that!"
I find I'm walking a delicate balance. I want M to know about my childhood. I want her to know the truth about my childhood. But I'm so dadgum tempted to fib a little just to satisfy her curiosity!!! She's so detail oriented that a glossy, fun story will not do! She wants to know who was there, where we were, what we did, what we ate, etc.

So, if JB and M think I'm mature and wise and a real adult, then I'd better find a little faith in myself and start believing it. After all, I hold the key to a mighty history lesson for them.

God Provides

Remember the post a few days ago when I confessed that I was heavy hearted? (If you're a man...not that many read this, I know, but still...STOP READING NOW. This is going to get really graphic in a minute.)

I started my period the next morning. That explains the hysteria that followed that evening when I put myself to bed. I'm talking about can't-catch-your-breath-snotty-crying. It was ugly. Really and truly ugly. I was ugly the next morning when I saw myself in the mirror. It wasn't pretty.

I felt like the Lord had abandoned me. I felt like I was such a sinner that He doesn't want to bless me (which I am, but that's another post for another time). I questioned why crack mamas are allowed to have multiple children by multiple men, but He won't fill my womb with another baby that I desperately want.

Those feelings have been nagging at the back of my thoughts since then. I can't quite seem to shake them, even if I know they are not logical. (Ahem...Zach, I TOLD you to stop reading!)

When you take Clomid, you have to see the doctor before day 5 of your cycle. I called yesterday, but my regular doctor couldn't see me. I asked if I could see the midwife instead. Luckily, she was available.

God provides.

It was exactly the kind of appointment I needed. Her approach to infertility is drastically different from my OB's. She's more aggressive. She's more determined, less lassez-faire. She had suggestions for H (I'm skipping those details to spare his pride!). She gave me a calendar that is highlighted that tells me what to do on certain days. She's putting me on another medicine in addition to the clomid. We talked about how, as women of faith, this journey can be so hard.

And the most important thing:

She prayed with me when we were done. She prayed for my emotional state. She prayed for my marriage. She prayed for M. She prayed for my relationship with God, that I would go to Him and cling when I was weak. She prayed for herself and my doctor that they would care for me in the right way, at the right time. She prayed for blessings for my family.

It was amazing.

God completely provides.

God totally provides.

First

First.

Don't you always want to be first? Number one? The best?

But what if being first means being the worst? The one that needs it the most?

My dad got the call today. The one with his number on the transplant list. Want to guess what number he is?

Yep. He's first.

My sweet, loving father is FIRST on the list for a transplant.

It's mind-blowing, really. Less than two weeks ago, everything was status-quo. He was coughing, but happy we were there visiting (well, we would be visiting in two days). Now, he's on oxygen, his bags are packed and he's waiting on "the call."

He said today, "I'd rather do it now, when I'm healthy." He's got the best attitude about it. While I'm a tad scared (more than a tad, to be honest), he's quietly confident when we talk about it. I'm sure he feels the need to be calm when we talk so I don't flip out. I bet you didn't know I was the flip out kind of person, did you? I am excited that new lungs mean new life for my dad. I'm sad that he's sick enough to need to have a critical organ replaced.

I love my dad so much.

The Journey

This year, my sister- and brother-in-law's church is hosting a program called The Journey. Each weekday during the year, there will be a post listed with a chapter in the New Testament and a devotion written by someone in the church.

"One day I realized that there were 260 weekdays (mon-fri) in a year, and there were 260 chapters in the New Testament. If we all read just one chapter a day, Monday through Friday, for a year, we would read through the entire New Testament. Seeing that the scripture is the primary place that God communicates to us, just imagine what could happen if we expose our heart and minds to it all week, every week. I know that this could be life- changing!" written by the pastor of the church.

I've tried the whole read the Bible in a year idea and it IS a great idea. But like so many other great ideas, I couldn't do it alone and I sure didn't follow through with it. I need a little hand holding. I need someone to help make it come alive for me, to make it real. I truly do love reading God's Holy Word {that just feels so powerful to even type! GOD'S HOLY WORD!!!}, but, frankly, I'm not smart enough to get it. I can't make the connections. I don't know enough to understand it deeply.

I'm super excited to take this journey through the New Testament. I was so excited this morning when I got the newest post and read the devotion. I'm excited about exposing my heart and mind to God's word. I love that real people (that I might even know) have written devotions (with guidance by their pastor, I imagine) to help the words come alive. Not that I doubt God will do just that as I read His Word this year. In fact, I'm certain God will do just that: He will communicate through his inerrant word in ways I've never known before. His Word will become more and more real to me as I read (and struggle, I'm sure) and study it. Only He knows what I will discover as I participate in The Journey. And I am so ready...

A Year of Discovery, Part III

Here I am at the third part of Christine Kane's discovery tool. The final instructions read, "Use your voice to seal your intention. Call a trusted friend or mentor. Share what you've written with that person."

So, trusted friend, I'm going to hit publish at the end of this post. I am using my bloggy voice to seal my intention of living this year to learn more about myself and dealing with the clutter that consumes my world.

Part III: Dream Big: Know Your Vision

List at least five goals--big or small--that you'd like to accomplish this year, based on the word you are choosing.

--Discovering that part of me that enjoys the clutter and letting her go. Cutting her loose.
--Declutter my house once and for all. I'd like to put away Christmas next year and say, "Ahhh, this is how I was meant to live." Not trip over toys and shoes.
--I'd like to have my credit card debt paid down by half.
--I'd like to be on the cash only system. Save to purchase.
--Most importantly, I'd like to take some time to know why, to discover, I allow my life to be ruled by chaos. I want to be open to learning more about myself as I let go of the junk.

What would be a "home run" for you in the coming year? This can be a big dream, an amount of money, a way that you live each day. Write as detailed and imperfectly as you can!

Coming home to a clean house at the end of the day. Having time to craft as much as I want because I don't feel oppressed by mess. Finding a "plan" that helps me keep the house maintained in such a way that I don't feel like I'm constantly cleaning, but that gives me enough time to do the things I really enjoy doing. Changing my attitude about my "stuff." Cooking dinner for my family regularly.

So, here we are friends. I'm publicly announcing my plan for dealing with DISCOVERY 2010. Perhaps discovery is a little vague, as all my goals have to deal with money and clutter. But I'm open to discovery changing and evolving during the year to become it's own thing, take on it's own meaning.

A Year of Discovery, Part II

A few business things first:

1.) My brother, Zach, is pursuing a life dream. He's going to blog about it here. Please stop by if you have a minute and wish him luck on his new path! I am so thrilled and excited for him.

2.) My heart is so heavy tonight. I was determined not to blog about this anymore, but I can't get around it, so I want it out in the open first. In the past two days, I've learned about three friends' pregnancies. I am completely thrilled for these women. But to be completely honest, I'm also completely devastated that it's not me sharing my news that I am pregnant. I just don't understand why the Lord continues to deny me this one thing. I hate being so selfish and so broken about this and not relying completely on the Lord and trusting in His time, but I just HATE it. Please pray for me that I will be peaceful as we continue on the journey of infertility.

Now on to A Year of Discovery, Part II

Part II: Awareness and Elimination: Know Your Triggers

What old patterns, Default Settings, or beliefs have kept you from living this word until now?
{Think about patterns and settings you've always reacted with. If where you go "by default"--when you aren't living with awareness. Awareness is the key to allowing your Word of the Year to expand you.}

I'm rather impulsive, so in the store if I see something I like, I just get it. Then I end up with more items in my house than I have room for, more supplies than I need, more debt than I can afford. If I have a bad day, I'll do a little retail therapy. I don't avoid situations in which I know I'll spend money. If I feel overwhelmed about something (too much clutter, too many loads of laundry, too many bills to pay), I avoid it by doing something else: knitting in front of the TV, taking a nap, putting my nose in a book. I get so bogged down in the details (there is SO MUCH TO DO!), that I don't know where to start to get ANYTHING done.

List at least three things that trigger you to "shrink" or to run in the opposite direction of your why (and your word). Be specific.

1. It's comfortable to be the way I am. I don't always want to change. It's easier to live in clutter than it is to figure out WHY I allow my life to be ruled by too many things.
2. I like when a friend needs something crafty and I can say, "Oh, yes. Come on over. I've got plenty of that." It makes me feel important and useful.
3. If I want something, I want it now. I'm not very patient. If I waited, I might realize I don't really "need" whatever it is I'm lusting after.
4. Hiding: I find alternate activities instead of talking the elephant in the room (the laundry, the dishes, cleaning off the table.)

List at least five possible "Pattern Interrupt" Habits you can practice in the event of one of your triggers occurring.

1. Do one thing. Instead of becoming overwhelmed, just accomplish one small task. (Putting the clothes away, unloading the dishwasher). Stop procrastinating.
2. Avoid situations in which I know I'll want to purchase something.
3. Unsubscribe to e-mails from companies that flood my inbox with sale notices. It's too tempting.
4. Use my supplies instead of purchasing new ones for a project I'd like to complete.
5. Take my credit card out of my wallet.

List at least five new proactive habits you can incorporate into your life as a means of supporting you in living your word more fully, and thereby diminishing the power your triggers have over you.

(This is powerful, isn't it? To really think this through and write about it?)
1. I'm going to go back to FlyLady to help reduce the clutter in the house.
2. I'm going to set a goal each month to accomplish daily: make the bed, do the dishes before bedtime, and spend 15 minutes on my hotspots each day.
3. I'm going to question myself daily about the importance of "things." Is this important to me? Why? Do I want to keep it just because or is there a reason?
4. I'm going to keep up with The Journey (a new testiment Bible Study my SIL's church is doing by e-mail) so that I spend time in the word more regularly.
5. I'm not sure what number 5 will be, but I'll think of something.

Part III will come tomorrow.

Love,

A Year of Discovery, Part I

Welcome to 2010!

Have you heard of the idea of one little word? Of choosing a word (or letting it choose you) to help define your year? For the past two years, I've chosen words to help ground me as I navigate through each day. Sometimes I've succeeded, sometimes I've failed. That's what life is about.

I stumbled upon a Christine Kane's website earlier today and LOVED the discovery tool she designed to help clearly define your word of the year. I'm going to break the questions down into three parts so they are a tad easier for me to chew on.

Part 1: Intention and Clarity: Know Your Why

Write the word (or words) you are choosing for the coming year:
My word for 2010 is discovery: {noun} the act of discovering; find; uncovering; breakthrough.

Why is this the perfect word for you this year?
I want to take time to understand myself more. Why do I allow my life to be controlled by clutter? Why am I not satisfied with "enough?" Why do I need more instead of less? Who am I really?

If you embraced and lived this word daily, what would be different about you?
If I lived every day as a day of discovery, I would be questioning myself often. Why did you do that? Do you really need this? Does this make your life more full or does it take away from something you'd really be doing? Is this something that is pleasing to God? Do you feel God is calling you to do this? If I lived every day focused on discovering, I would be less impulsive and more cognitive of my decisions.

In what ways do you already live/embody this word?
To be perfectly honest, I don't think I do already live or embody the idea of discovery. It's easier to just continue with the way I've allowed myself to be. I want to be better. I want to be the women God designed me to be and I just don't feel I'm living up to all He wants me to be.

In what ways do you not live/embody this word?
See previous answer.

If you were to live this word daily throughout the year, how would your life be different one year from today? What would you have created or attracted? How would you feel?
I anticipate that I will know myself in a more intimate way. I will be less committed. I will be more focused on family and doing the things we enjoy. In knowing myself better, I will have a stronger relationship with H, a better mother for M, and a better daughter to the Father.

That's enough for today. I will work on A Year of Discovery, Part II tomorrow.

I've started a new blog for our family. One of my goals for 2010 is Project Life. I'll post often our daily pictures there and a few comments. Feel free to check it out. It's rather elementary right now, but I will work on adding a little more to it in the next few days.