Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Change of Heart

I'm emotional today.

Okay, I admit that I started my cycle Saturday, so I'm sure some of this is a residual effect of that.

However, I've had a change of heart. Last week I had the realization that I was completely satisfied with having a family of three. Not quite the three I'd envisioned before, but I was fulfilled.

No more. Last night and today my heart ACHES to have another baby. I'm on my knees begging the Lord for the chance to be a mother again.

I feel whammied with this new ache. I wasn't prepared at all this time.

Last week at Bible Study, we listened to a sermon by John Piper on Sustaining Grace. I have many, many thoughts on that and hearing the sermon brought much comfort to me. I know the Lord could have prevented either miscarriage--He could have knit those babies in my womb. He chose not to. He purposed those sad events for His own glory, just as He purposed M for our family. As much as my heart aches today, I KNOW that God is good. He doesn't desire to bring me sadness and heartache. He desires to bring me closer to Him.

6 comments:

Kyla said...

I hope that He sees fit to give you the desires of your heart very soon, Natalie. Very, very soon.

Jeff, Julia and Maggie said...

It's hard to believe the truth when our hearts tell us lies. Keep believing truth. I'm sorry for your hurt.

Rooney's Little Musings said...

You're right. He WILL use this for good. Thank you for praying for me. I really appreciate it! I got pregnant last july as well, and miscarried the first week of school. I then got pregnant in Oct. and as you know, Henry was stillborn May 5th. My heart aches for us both. Stay strong!

melody is slurping life said...

And when I was at this very place you now occupy (yes, I've been there)...God opened my eyes and my heart to adoption. And now I am here. And I am so content. And I am a mother x4.

Remember, God answers prayers. His time. His way.

Need to talk? Please email. Love ya.

Susie and Joe said...

hurting and longing with you. praying that God will sustain you.

Arizaphale said...

Yes, he does. It's hard to see the 'plan' from the inside but it is there. Thoughts and prayers for you.